Recipes

You bet your sweet-ass southern cornbread

Dear sweet lordt in heaven, I pray you will help me get through the next month until it’s Christmas Time because my ass is so busy. Imma try and queue up some of these sombitches though, so y’all can have recipes even when I’m trying to stay above water.What can I say? I’m a giver like that.

Anyway, I’ve had several requests for this recipe, even though like…google is a thing, y’all. This is a sweet Southern cornbread, because anything else is trash, sorry jalapeno cornbread lovers. Like honestly unsweetened cornbread is just gross, and I don’t understand it at all??? Why would you do that to yourselves.

Cornbread is a quick bread, which means there’s no kneading or rising or anything like that, you just mix everything together and bake. Or fry in cornbread pancakes because mmmmm.

cornbread1
I cannot express the importance of not using baking soda, guys

Story time! So, as I mentioned before, Home Ec was a required class for homeschool, and part of that was learning to cook. Well, one of the first times (if not the very first time), I made this cornbread recipe by myself…I put in baking soda instead of baking powder. For some reason, it’s a very easy mistake to make, but I beg of you to not do the thing. It tastes like someone ground up iron shavings into your cornbread, which will be very flat as well. It’s AWFUL.

And, another funny thing about it: my brother did the exact same thing just a couple of years ago. Somehow we both managed to make the same inedible cornbread.

So first you do all your dry ingredients. This is so you can get any and all lumps out ya cornbread. Literally dump + mix.

cornbread5
Post wet-ingredient adding, but pre-stirring

Then you add in your wet ingredients. There’s only three of them, and yes you can just dump them in and then mix it all up.

One step I like to do, but is entirely optional if your skillet is well seasoned (yes we’re back to that), is to melt some butter in the skillet before pouring in the batter.

cornbread6
mmmm, buttery

So ya melt it, swirl it around a little bit, and then dump in the batter. That’s it, literally that is the whole recipe.

Batter in skillet, bake for like 20-30 minutes, and done. Just pull it out and slice it!

Actually Good Cornbread
Not that shit that tastes like cardboard

Ingredients

  • 1 cup of All-Purpose flour. Don’t use bread flour or Krampus will get you.
  • 2 tablespoons sugar. Do NOT leave this out or I’LL get you.
  • 3 teaspoons baking powder for the love of god don’t use baking soda it will taste like dirt
  • ½ teaspoon salt. That good ol’ Morton shit.
  • 1 cup yellow cornmeal. I guess you could use white but then u’ll have ghost cornbread
  • 1 egg, beaten like a redheaded step-child (jk just crack it into the bowl)
  • Lmao this old ass recipe book says “salad oil or melted shortening” but just use ¼ cup of canola or veggie oil
  • 1 cup cow-juice (milk, you perverts)
  1. Aight so first things first, preheat yo oven to 350 degrees. Get it nice and hot, oh baby. Now, I like to put about a tablespoon (or a little less) of butter into my skillet, and just pop it into the oven while it warms up, to melt the butter.
  2. IN a big ass mixing bowl: throw in ur flour, sugar, baking powder, salt, and cornmeal. Stir it all up.
  3. Now add ur egg, veggie oil, and cow-juice. Stir some mo’ till it’s all smooth.
  4. Did you forget that skillet in the oven? Take it out and hope ur butter’s not burnt.
  5. Scrape ya batter into the skillet, put it in the oven. Did you think there were more steps? Well there aren’t.
  6. Cook for…Idk, start with 20 minutes. Insert a toothpick and see if it comes out clean. If not, put it back for increments of 5 minutes until it’s done and golden brown.
  7. Ur done, congrats. Are u gonna eat just cornbread? U weirdo.
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