Recipes

If we’re gonna be friends you’re gonna just have to…

…get used to me being really bad at remembering to update anything except my facebook status. It’s just a thing with me. However, I have at least been somewhat remembering to photograph things when I make food! Sort of. Some of the time.

In today’s episode: One-Pan Chicken Aldredo!

I know you’ve seen it floating around Pinterest since the beginning of Pinterest (ayyyy my other beta testers where y’all at). You may have sniffed in derision because that sounds too good to be true.

I assure you, this pasta is TOO good, but in the sort of way that leaves you feeling a little bit dirty. Dirty enough I added broccoli to the recipe.

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confession: I’ve never seen this show

It’s got a lot of parmesan cheese. Now, I’m not a big cheese person, particularly melted cheese. I like cheese and crackers, I’ll fuck up some dill Havarti with club crackers, don’t you worry. But melted? Idk, it’s just not my thing for the most part.

But parmesan? Ohhhh that’s another story.

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gimme the pizza dust

Shit’s legit, aight. We all know it. So when I tell you that the base version of this recipe starts with 2 cups of cheese….well there you go. There’s technically more cheese than there is pasta in this pasta.

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bless u, Paula Deen, for cheap cookware if nothing else

I should mention that originally this recipe came from Number-2-Pencil but that I, of course, have altered it pretty significantly. You start with browning up some bits-o-chickin. Dump in garlic.

Liquid + pasta. In this case I did the broccoli separately because I was taking it to a friend’s house, and I try not to subject everyone to broccoli being forcibly placed in their food. WE might like it, but there are some heathens who don’t like broccoli.

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LOOK AT ALL THAT FUCKING CHEESE

ALL THE CHEESE, fam. And yeah, I say legit, and fam, and bae. I started as a joke and now I can’t stop.

Just go make the stupid Alfredo while I wallow in the rapidly-evolving slang of my generation.

The Frigging Cheesiest Chicken Alfredo (For Lazy Bastards)

And it’s got vegetables in it so fuck off

Ingredients

  • Jesus this recipe says 3 tbsp of olive oil…that’s a lot, don’t use that much probably
  • Like a whole package of boneless skinless chickin titties, cut into 1” pieces*
  • LOL 2 cloves of garlic…cute. Use at least 4 but maybe 6
  • Approximately 1 14oz can of chickin broth (use more if you use a lot of chickin)
  • 1+ cup of heavy cream
  • About ½-¾ of a pound of penne, or farfalle, or whatever bite-sized pasta u want
  • At LEAST 2 cups of shredded parmesan cheese
  • Salt-n-Pepa to taste
  • 2-3 heads of broccoli cut into florets*
  1. Legit this recipe could not get much easier you guys. Start by slicing up ur chickin into pieces that will fit in a normal person’s mouth.
  2. Brown the chickin in a SMALL amount of olive oil (3 tablespoons? Really? Too much, and this is me talking)
  3. Ur chickin does not need to be cooked all the way through at this point, just nice and brown. Toss that minced garlic in there (oh yeah be sure and mince ur garlic) and saute for a few minutes till it smells all fucking good.
  4. I recommend drinking at least half a bottle of wine right about here tbh. A nice $7 Barefoot Moscato goes really well with the ridiculous amounts of cheese.
  5. Dump literally everything else but the broccoli and cheese in now and stir it up a bit. You should have enough liquid to cover most (but not all) of the pasta.
  6. Turn ur fire up to high and bring it to a boil, then back down to a simmer.
  7. Dump the broccoli on top of that bitch and cook for 7-9 minutes. The broccoli and pasta take right about the same amount of time to cook if ur not a savage who likes mushy vegetables and pasta.
  8. Stir in aaaaalllllll the cheese. Oh my god so cheesy. It will be sort of chunky for a hot minute but keep stirring, and then let it sit for about 10 minutes.
  9. Eat it all and pretend it’s healthy because there’s broccoli in it.

*The recipe calls for 1 ¼ lb of chickin but like….who measures in weight? Just search your feelings (you know them to be true).

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