SURPRISE! Two days in a row!

Much like the last day of one’s period, which you thought was definitely over yesterday but returns when you least expect it, just to ruin one more pair of underwear. Also like one’s period, this recipe involves sausage. #badpuns

Now, in yesterday’s post, I said I’ve been taking pictures of the recipes I make, and that is true, somewhat. As it turns out, I totally and completely forgot to take a picture of the final product with this recipe. I also made it last month on MLK Jr. Day, because we have that day off, and as has become our very ironic tradition, we usually go to the gun range.

But even though it’s been “unseasonably warm” in February for about 3 years now, it was not quite warm enough for me to want to grill outside, so I made our dinner inside. As is proper. Because I also didn’t have to wear pants.


Now I like to (mostly teasingly) say that bratwurst are one of the few things the Germans did right. Don’t @ me, there was that whole WWI and WWII thing that I think it’s still fair to hold them accountable for.

Because of the nature of this post, I’m gonna say that children and vegetarians should turn away. Children because dick jokes, vegetarians because raw sausages.

Now, this has got me debating whether or not to include all the dick jokes I’ve got churning about in my incredibly childish mind. I’ll have to think long and hard about it.

The most complicated step of this recipe…well, it’s a tie: slicing onions, or searing sausages. The only two steps that really sort of require you to stand. And if you have a nice tall stepstool, even that’s optional.


Not much more appetizing than uncooked sausages, is there? Thank god they’re not limp.

As I said, I sort of took photos of this process very haphazardly. Still, it’s one of the easiest things you can make that still sort of feels like a real meal.

Southern Water Tribe Represent

I, personally, am not a beer drinker. Every once in a great while, I want one with chicken wings, or I’ll have a Corona on the beach (or in one of those Corona-Ritas mmmmm those are good). But for the most part, I am a strong no on beers. I learned this day that warm beer is fizzier I guess? Because all of them splooged all over my hand when I opened them. Might have also been that they were sitting on the stove, Idk.


So basically you boil the fuck out of these for 20-ish minutes until they are basically cooked through, and then you pull them out the beer and sear them so they are all nice and crispy. That is the good shit, I tell you.

Slap that bad boy in a bun, slather it in some mustard, and top with sauteed onions, and enjoy your weiner.


Just pretend I took this photo.

One Thing The Germans Did Right
Beer Brats with onions


  • Literally just a shit ton of bratwurst. I had 10 and we ate them all in 2 days
  • 1 whole onion, sliced in thin wedges (you can skip this but I highly recommend it)
  • A 4 pack of tall-boys of whatever cheap beer you prefer. Don’t use expensive beer unless you just really like pouring it down the drain
  • Whatever else you typically like on bratwurst
  1. Saute ur onion slices in a big pot until they get a little brown and start to go translucent.
  2. Dump the brats into that pot.
  3. Pour in 3-4 of those beers you bought at the dollar store. Or the gas station. I’m not judging.
  4. Bring that pot of weiners to a boil, then bring it down to a simmer. Cover and keep it on simmer for….Idk, 20 minutes? Ish? Till you can squeeze ‘em with tongs and they feel done.
  5. Take the brats out of the beer and slap them bad boys into a hot skillet. Sear on as many sides as you reasonably can.
  6. BAM, done. Saute some of the onions from the beer if you want, and top your bratwurst with those. Idk what people eat with brats in other places, but in my family we always did with baked beans and chips. Don’t ask me why.
  7. Buns, mustard, relish (gag), the whole nine yards. Have a ball.

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