Recipes

Bacon Baked Beans, Bitches

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Ya’ll, this has been one hell of a whirlwind shitstorm of a year. I’ll spare you all the gory details, but Jules has been a busy bee since I moved in April. I actually love, love, LOVE my job, but it keeps me a lot more busy than my last one.

Anyway, one of the things that’s happened since we moved is that my hubby joined the 27 year olds club. It’s not a very exclusive club, but we had some friends over and had a good time. I also made the best goddamn baked beans you’ve ever eaten in your life. My bestie’s mom had some pretty questionable cooking methods growing up, but one thing she does absolutely right is baked beans.

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don’t do this

So the key to this recipe is that you start with a can of Pork ‘n’ Beans. I usually despise Pork ‘n’ Beans. I don’t know who the fucking demographic is for those, but I’d like to sincerely tell them to piss off. The only thing they’re good for is making baked beans.

Literally the first step to this recipe is to dump the Pork ‘n’ Beans in a strainer and get rid of the nasty ass juice they soak it in. Fun fact, my hubby decided to convert that can into a tiny trash can for our spare bathroom.

-_-

Anyway, the next step is BACON which is always popular.

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This recipe tested the capacity of my skillet, for once. It was a LOT of food, and we actually ate all of it.

Now, for the next step you pretty much make your own BBQ baked bean sauce and it’s fucking delicious. I don’t measure any of this shit. At all. My measurement procedure is to pour some in, stir, taste it, and add more if need be. It’s delicious, it makes a great side dish to bring to the cookout.

Bacon Baked Beans, Bitch

Ingredients

  • One Big-ass can of Pork ‘n’ Beans
  • One whole pound o’ bacon
  • One onion, diced up
  • Ketchup (don’t use knock-off stuff please that’s so gross)
  • Brown sugar
  • Worcestershire sauce
  • BBQ sauce
  • A teeeeeensy bit of salt-n-pepa

 

  1. OKAY SO listen up here bitches, Jules is back with the best damn baked beans recipe you’ve ever had.
  2. And it begins with the travesty that are Pork ‘n’ Beans. Take one of them big ass cans from the bottom shelf at Walmart and dump it into a strainer. Rinse all that nasty ass bean juice off. We do this so we don’t have the flavor of Pork ‘n’ Beans but we also don’t have to do beans from scratch which takes a million years.
  3. While your beans are draining, throw that diced onion and your pound of bacon (chopped in big ass pieces) into a skillet and saute it all together till your onions are basically done but the bacon ain’t too crisp.
  4. Dump ya beans in ya skillet.
  5. I wish I had more definitive measurements for you for this one guys, but I don’t so here goes.
  6. Squirt in like…about a third cup o’ ketchup in there. Maybe more. Just make it enough.
  7. About half a cup of brown sugggaaaarrrrr at the very least. Don’t gimme no un-sweet baked beans here don’t be a pussy.
  8. A few splashes of Worcestershire (I typed that like 8 times and still got it wrong) will add this nice smoky flava.
  9. Now comes the key ingredient: BBQ sauce. We’re talking sweet and smoky, none of that vinegary bullshit (come @ me North Carolina). And you’re gonna drizzle a lil bit over the top of your mess of beans.
  10. Now comes the hard part: stirring all that shit together in a skillet or pan that is probably too small and NOT splashing it all over the sides.
  11. Once your ingredients are incorporated, you’ve got a few options you can take. I made this for a party so I bought some of those disposable baking trays, but you’re welcome to just leave it in the skillet, like an animal.
  12. Once you’ve got your baked beans in their appropriate dish, it’s time to actually fuckin’ bake that shit. 350, half an hour to maybe 45 minutes till the top gets kinda crispy. Serve that shit with burgers or whatever the fuck you want.

 

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