“Sometimes Stereotypes Exist For A Reason” Crunchy Chicken & Pasta

Every once in a while I run across a recipe that is so “white people be like” that it hurts me inside. And I am white people. Today Imma bless y’all with an improved version of one of those recipes.

this will be great with mayonnaise, son

The creator of this recipe, bless her heart, she tried. And the original wasn’t BAD. But gurl, lemme tell you, you gotta season your chicken. It was as bland as a Taylor Swift music video. You can tell she tried but it was a spoonful of sugar away from Lemonade if you know what I mean. If you feel inclined to try said original recipe, you can find it here.

this is AFTER I added a bunch more seasonings than the original called for…

So as with any fried chicken-esque recipe, you gotta start with your dredging. This one is done in milk according to the recipe but that’s weird so add some egg. It helps the coating stick better in addition to being metal as fuck. Dipping the carcass of the mother in the liquefied unfertilized eggs that would be babies.

Look at this mess. Not near enough seasoning. Add more than I did, for sure. Season your damn chickin as well as the flour. Writer of the original recipe, I’m sorry, but I couldn’t do it. Flour is not a spice, darlin’.


Anyway, there’s a step in this recipe that requires putting the chickin in the freezer for 5 minutes. This step can be skipped if you add an egg or two to your dredge, but c’est la vie.


Overall the dish was pretty tasty, and had a fantastic mix of textures. I did not use the “Philadelphia Cooking Cream” as instructed, only because I’ve never seen nor heard of such a thing. If this exists, someone please tell me where to get it as it sounds delightful. So I made a basic garlic parmesan cream sauce and coated my pasta with that.

I believe farfalle is the best form of pasta. I’m planning to make it my political platform.

Like I said, tasty if not mind-blowing. And quick and easy as hell, especially if you (unlike me) already have cornflakes lying about.

Helen I Must Have Your Crunchy Chicken & Pasta Recipe
Oh of course Diane, it’s so easy!


  • 4 chickin tenderloins or 2 chickin titties cut in half if you’re me
  • 4 cups? Geezus no like 2 cups of corny flakes
  • ¾ cup of flour
  • Salt-n-Pepa
  • Garlic powder
  • Onion powder
  • Ground or smushed (rubbed) sage
  • Lil bit o’ paprika
  • ½ cup of milk
  • 2 eggs
  • Olive oil
  • 1 lb of bowtie pastas

For the Sauce

  • About a tablespoon each of butter and olive oil. Maybe more Idek
  • Like maybe a tablespoon of flour? Really just sprinkle it in till it looks like a paste but not crumbly
  • Minced garlic
  • Italian seasoning
  • 2-ish cups of milk?
  • About ½ cup of parmesan cheese
  • Salt-n-Pepa
  1. Smash up them corny flakes.
  2. Pour the corny flakes in one bowl, flour and spices in another, and mix up some milk and liquid chickins in a third. The original said just milk but fuck that.
  3. Dredge yo chicken in the milk/eggs, then flour and throw that shit on a plate covered with some wax paper and pop it in the freezer.
  4. For like 5 minutes btw
  5. I guess because this person doesn’t know how to properly dredge things but whatever it was tasty.
  6. So bring your chickin back out the freezer, then dredge them in yo milk/egg mix again and then the cornflakes.
  7. Toss them bad boys in a skillet with some olive oil over medium-ish heat and cook until they’s cooked through and the crust is all brown and crunchy. Like Idk 7-10 minutes? If it smells like it’s burning just turn it down and cook a lil longer.
  8. So when them chickin titties is cooked, you’re gonna wanna scrape all the extra crispy bits off the bottom of your pan and toss them.
  9. Brown yo garlic in the butter/olive oil mixture, then add in the flour and WHISK LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT. If it’s clumpy, add more butter or oil and keep stirring.
  10. When it comes to a paste-like consistency, slowly whisk in your milk and keep stirring till it bubbles. It will take a hot minute, but be patient. When it’s a smooth, creamy (giggity) consistency, add your seasonings and parmesan cheese.
  11. Toss your cooked pasta* in the sauce, and top with that fuckin chickin my guy.

*cook your goddamn pasta al dente or I swear to god me and Gordon Ramsey will hunt you down.


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