Cheesecake Part Deux: The Pumpkining

This may come as a shock to you all…but sometimes even I fuck up some things. Sometimes, it’s a good idea to look up instructions for things, rather than just wingin’ it.


If you recall my last cheesecake recipe, the crust itself was made of smashed up lil bits of almonds. And some eggs and butter to bind it together, right? It gives it a great texture.

Well, it turns out I do not know how to make a fucking crumb crust, because that is NOT proper procedure. I had this idea, you see, that I was gonna make a half pumpkin-half traditional cheesecake, with a ginger snap crust and toasted pecans and caramel on top.

And I did it.

But unfortunately, my crust was a buttery, gooey disaster. A minor mishap, but one that I intend to remedy eventually.

Y’all remember how this goes!

it shouldn’t look like this y’all… it really should not.

In this case, Imma let Martha explain the crust recipe. Trust Martha, for she will lead you true.


Honestly, cheesecake isn’t hard to make. For this one, there’s a step where you gotta pour half of your cheesecake mixture into something else and set it aside, but that’s like…the most complicated part.

Do y’all remember Sophie? My big ass puppy? OH WAIT NO YOU DON’T BECAUSE YOU HAVEN’T SEEN HER.

So, back in June or so, I badgered my hubby into letting me have a puppy. He did not want a puppy. But we got one because she was free.


This is Sophie! And TJ! But this photo was taken back in June or so, so let’s get you a better picture of what she looked like when I made this recipe. She was “helping.”


And honestly, I think this was in October, so she’s even bigger now. Last time we weighed her, she was 70 lbs.

But anyway, back to the cheesecake!

If you like yours with more pumpkin flavor, feel free to add more. I actually don’t care for pumpkin (and subsequently don’t know why I made this), so I thought it was…well pretty damn good actually. I am definitely a fan.


And so, without further ado, I present to you:

Cheesecake Part Deux: The Pumpkining



  • Filling:


    • ⅔ cup sugar
    • 1 tbsp lemon juice (original recipe said fresh squeezed but like hell am I gonna buy a lemon for a tablespoon of juice)
    • 3 of those bricks of cream cheese. Scrape all of it off that foil or I’ll haunt you when I die
    • 2 eggs
    • 1 egg white and I s2g if I catch you buying an egg-yolk separator…
    • ½ cup heavy cream mmmmm
    • About ⅔ of a can of nasty ass pumpkin
    • Some cinnamon, ginger, allspice, and cloves for seasonin’


  • Toppings:


  • ½ Cup chopped pecans
  • Some o’ them lil melty pecan bits
  • Some butter
  1. FIRST THINGS FIRST I ALWAYS FORGET: Preheat ur oven to 350, and do.not.forget. To place a pan of water about 2 inches deep on the lower rack of the oven. Now, grease ur springform pans.
  2. To grease the pans, make sure they are all snapped together for one thing. You can use butter if you want, but I just use plain crisco because it’s cheap and it works best. Take a paper towel, dip it in ur grease of choice and then just smear that shit all up in the nooks and crannies.
  3. Set that shit aside and get ur crusts ready. I’m letting Martha Stewart take the wheel on this one, as my crust did not turn out right.
  4. Hopefully, you anticipated making cheesecake, and set out ur cream cheese to come up to room temperature. If not, it’s fine, I forget to do that literally every time.
  5. ANYWAY you’re gonna dump the cream cheese and sugar into a bowl, and mix on low till they all combined. Refrain from eating the sweetened cream cheese.
  6. Throw in that heavy cream, eggs and egg white, and lemon juice, then mix until that shit is aaaallllll smooth.
  7. SEPARATE about half yo cheesecake into a different bowl. Or, don’t be an idiot like I was, and just pour half of it into the springform pan.
  8. Dump that pumpkin and all that “pumpkin spice” into the rest of the cheesecake mixture. I can’t tell you exactly how much, just eyeball it.
  9. Take ur crust out of the fridge, and pour the filling into it. Scrape it all in there with a rubber spatula. You legit will not want to miss out on any of this cheesecake.
  10. Bake that bad boy in the middle of the oven for 55-60 minutes, or until the edges are golden brown and the center is just barely wiggly. Like, I mean BARELY.
  11. Now, turn off the oven, and leave it the hell alone. The original recipe called for opening the oven door a crack, but do not do this unless you want a gigantic fucking crack in your cheesecake. If you do, fine, whatever.
  12. Leave that shit in the oven, UNCRACKED, for at least 2 hours.
  13. When ur cheesecake has cooled to about room temp, release it from its springy glory onto a nice tray or carrying case whatever.
  14. NOW, what ur gonna do goes against most recipes for toasted pecans. Because we gon do about a half a cup of ‘em in maybe a tablespoon of butter on the stove. Looooow low heat, don’t wanna scorch them puppies.
  15. Melt yo caramel bits in the microwave. When they are melty, drizzle it alllllll up on that cheesecake like the slutty little dessert it is.
  16. Toss ya buttered pecans on there.
  17. Slice and serve, like a bawss.

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