Recipes

I hope this Apple Pie isn’t too…Crummy for you

No, I will not apologize for that title. This is a dutch apple crumb pie, I basically had no CHOICE in the matter.

The things I do for this blog….

ONCE AGAIN adulting has taken over my life and I have been working to get it under control, lmao. In this case, it comes in the form of me and hubs working on a big ass project, which is ongoing.

Because of all that adulting nonsense, these pics were taken back in November….because that’s when our work dessert competition and chili cook-off were. For the record, this is not OFFICIALLY award winning apple pie, but it DID win people’s choice.

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This is, according to my mom who is way more of a baker than me, referred to as a “juice pie” because the juices make up the filling.

I guess.

Or something.

This one has a crumb topping, which is so superior to lattice topped pies, I can’t even tell you. And, this is the only one of these recipes I’ve read that has graham cracker crumbs mixed in with the traditional streusel. Really gives it that extra little bit of crunch, ya know? I pulverized mine with the food processor, but you do you if you want to beat the shit out of it with a rolling pin or whatnot.

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The interesting thing about juice pies is that they don’t really look like they’re gonna set up well when you pour the filling into the shell. Don’t be fooled, it will not taste good at this point. Flour is not a good texture on uncooked apples.

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Let me tell you one of the most important secrets to getting the streusel crumb just right: butter. Little delicate pats of butter placed right on top of the apple filling, before you put the crumb topping on the pie. I made this TWICE before and forgot both times. But this time, I remembered. And they came out PERFECTLY. Like, I almost cried, y’all. It was a close thing.

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I feel like I should have won an award for this pun alone. My department is Business and Industry Services (BIS)
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LOOK. LOOK AT IT.

So there you go, the most perfect pies I’ve ever made. Go forth and impress yo grandmama.

Totally American And Not At All Dutch Apple Pie

Ingredients

Topping

  • ½ – ¾ cup all purpose flour
  • ¼ cup sugar
  • ¼ cup (packed) brown sugar
  • ½ cup graham cracker crumbs
  • 1/8 teaspoon salt
  • 4 tablespoons very soft butter (but not melted)
  • 2 tablespoons canola or vegetable oil
  • 1/3 cup roughly chopped pecans originally mom said optional but I’m saying DO IT

Filling

  • 6-8 tart apples, like Granny Smiths
  • ¾-1 ½ cups of sugar (y’all thought I wasn’t specific, wait for these measurements
  • ¼ teaspoon salt
  • 1 tbsp cinnamon
  • 1 tsp allspice
  • Dash of cloves and cardamom (optional, lol, I’ve never had these)
  • ½ – 1 tsp ginger (this one is the family secret)
  • ⅓ – ⅔ cup of flour, depending on how ~*juicy*~ your apples are

 

  1. Lemme just start by once again saying, buy yourself a damn frozen pie crust. I am never gonna post a pie crust recipe because they fucking suck.
  2. WHISK together the soft butter and oil in a small bowl….lol jk  you forgot to set out the butter so you had to microwave it.
  3. Mix together all dry ingredients for ur topping, except the pecans, and then slowly incorporate that butter and oil mixture into that shit until it’s juuuuuust barely mixed, then add ur pecans.
  4. Peel, core, and slice yo apples.
  5. Toss them bad boys in a big ass mixing bowl cause you gon’ need it.
  6. Now this is where shit gets weird, because the amount of sugar and shit is gonna depend on how juicy/tart/big those apples are, so just start with the smallest amount and work your way up to however much your little fat kid heart so desires.
  7. Toss in the sugar and all the spices in with ur apples and stir until they’s all coated in that good shit.
  8. Now, the flour is another one where it’s all gonna depend on how juicy ur apples are. If you don’t get enough flour, ur pie won’t hold together. Too much and it will be “gummy” which is never a good pie texture.
  9. NOW THIS SHIT IS MUY IMPORTANTE SO PAY ATTENTION: when you pour ur pie filling into the pie crust, slice about 2-4 tablespoons of butter very thin and set them on top of the filling, but underneath the crumb topping. I forgot this step the first time and my pie tasted off.
  10. TOP (giggity) with crumbly shiz aaaaallllll over that bad boy.
  11. Okay so for the first 30 minutes, you’re gonna put the pie in an oven (on a baking sheet, trust me) at 350. Then, cut a hole in some foil and cover the edges of the pie with it so they don’t burn, turn your oven to 300, and leave it for a WHOLE ASS OTHER HOUR. Damn.
  12. I suggest serving while still hot with some vanilla ice cream but you do what you want fam.
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