Broccoli Beef That Will Fill That Void in Your Soul

So, fun fact about Jules, I fuckin love Chinese food. Authentic or American, honestly it’s not even just Chinese food, give me all of the Asian cuisine.

basically me

So when I found a broccoli beef recipe without any complicated, difficult-to-obtain-in-rural-Oklahoma ingredients, I was instantly sold.

I’m certain you, long-time reader, know where this is going.

So I changed it and added some ingredients, because it’s me.

And now I’m out of soy sauce because I’ve been making it so often. And garlic powder. And sesame oil. We may have a problem.


So what ya see here is a bunch of sliced onions and some broccoli florets (really tho wtf is a floret?) in their natural habitat: the wok. The original recipe called for vegetable oil, but I love sesame oil because it gives it such a nice, sort of almost smoky flavor.

What I like about this recipe is that it gives you the same nice, thick sauce like you’d get at a decent Chinese buffet, but there’s actually not that much sugar in the whole thing.

It is important to note, however, that if you think you remember the recipe and you leave out the sugar, this is NOT good.

Yes, I did that.

So fucking salty.


So yeah, don’t do that.


Sauwse that shit up like a boss.

I should also mention that you actually cook the meat in batches in the wok before you do the veggies, but I didn’t take pictures of that so…whatever. Also ignore the skillet in the background and also how dirty my stove is.

Did I mention I made this recipe twice in one weekend? Like we went through all of it so I made more and doubled the recipe. And then we ate all of it again.


Just look how fucking glorious this shit looks. Keep in mind, I used venison because of course I did, so I added some extra oil. Worth it.

Better Than Takeout Broccoli Beef
I am not even fuckin kidding mate


  • 2 tbsp cornstarch
  • 2 tbsp water
  • 1 lb beef or other red meat of some kind (it’s called broccoli beef but I’m not gonna nitpick ya)
  • A couple splashes of veggie or sesame oil (the recipe called for vegetable oil but I like sesame oil so)
  • 4 cups (or 1 frozen bag) broccoli florets (wtf is a floret?)
  • 1 small onion cut into lil strips
  • ⅓ cup soy sauwse
  • ½ cup water
  • 2 tbsp cornstarch
  • 2 tbsp brown sugah
  • 1 tsp ground ginger
  1. AIGHT Bitches, it’s time.
  2. First things first, ur gonna drop them 2 tablespoons of cornstarch and water into a bowl with ur garlic powder and whisk it all together.
  3. Slice up that meaty stuff nice and thin, then plop it into the bowl with ur cornstarch slurry (isn’t that a fun word?) and mix it all up till them meat slices is all covered.
  4. NOW drop a couple tablespoons of ur preferred oil into a wok or large skillet. Get it sizzlin’ hot and toss ur meat slices into the pan. U can do it in batches or, if ur a godless heathen like me, just throw it all in at once and hope for the best.
  5. Cook until the meat is beat (lol), and remove from pan.
  6. Toss in ya broccoli and onion, and saute for a lil bit, maybe 5-7 minutes till they’re starting to get soft.
  7. In the meantime, mix together soy sauwse, water, cornstarch, brown sugah, and ginger and whisk that shit all up.
  8. Dump ur meat back in wit ur veggies, and pour ur sauce over it.
  9. Stir often, but gently, until the sauce is hot through and bubblin’. It will get all nice and thick like the takeout stuff does.
  10. Serve that good shit over the top of some steamed rice.

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